Pasteur Daniel

STATEMENT FROM NICOLAS

I was born in an pentacostal evangelical family. Sunday school, the singing, the services, everything that was about the life of the Spirit…I knew all about that( at least from the ouside…)

My parents were quite involved in the life of the church. But none of it interested me. God did not interest me.

I was quite timid as a child, not at all the type to put myself forward. But all that could not be seen still existed.

I was a terrible liar…I was bound to be, in order to get out of being punished for all the things I did wrong, as I was too cowardly to admit to what I was doing!

I used to steal…I even stole from my own parents, and I was absolutely fascinated by anything to do with sex…

When I was 12 or 13, my family left the church. This did not sadden me at all.From then on, we visited a few churches, but with no stable church life.

The best memories of that time were from our summer holiday in England. We had christian friends over there and we used to attend almost all the services.

I thank God for these happy summer times, during which He put good things in my heart, and left me with incredible memories which finally made sense eventually.

My father was very strict, if not too strict… It often ended up in violent confrontations with my older brother, but for me, everything was bottled up inside. I tried to cope as best I could.

But after a certain age, it became harder and harder: To be 18 or 20 years old and not be allowed to go out at night is not an easy thing to accept… I was suffocating…I would always manage to stay out later that I was allowed, and I had to lie in order to get a bit of freedom. And the little bit of freedom I had, I used to the extreme. I started smoking when I was 17.

I also started to drink, first beer, then whisky and pastis, quite regularly. I smoked more and more, especially joints and bongs…I was feeling  worse and worse, and starting having suicidal thoughts. At the same time, during my university years, I kept thinking” you must go back to church and find Jesus again!”

When I spoke to my druggie friends about that, they thought I was mad… I hated my life, I hated my father, I was at the end of my tether. I was on a self destruction course, and I wanted everyone to hate me so that I could achieve my goal faster.

One evening, I waited til everyone was asleep. I opened my window,climbed on a chair, got on to the window sill ready to jump, when |I heard a voice in my heart: “If you take your own life, you will have to account for it to the one who gave it to you”. That night, I shut the window again, but I carried on sinking.

In February 2000, it was military service, and the occasion for  me to “ bounce back”. Far away from home, from the life I despised, I invented a new life for myself. Nobody knew me, so I could tell anyone anything I wanted. I sunk into a life of lies…

I became the soldier with the worst behaviour on base… I kept going off sick, not reporting for duty. My commanding officers could not stand me. I was transferred to 5 different bases due to my behaviour. I continued to lie, drink, steal, and lost all communication with all my friends and family. Towards the end of my military service, and only earning 500 francs a month, it was difficult to imagine a positive future…

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I could already see myself sleeping rough under bridges…

It was when I was in that state of mind , during the month of November 2000, that my father tried to contact me on base 4 times in the same day. My commanding officer, really fed up by that time, ordered me to call home. I did, and the weekend after, I was at my parents.

Nothing had changed inside of me, but it was better than sleeping rough. On the other hand, something had changed in my parents. They had gone back to church. My little brother, who was 15 at the time, just got up early one Sunday morning and went to church to attend a service.

I could find nothing hateful about my father anymore.

As for me, I continued to breakfast on beer, lunch on 20 pastis, and carried on taking drugs, until one day, after my little brother had insisted that I joined him in church and just wanting a quiet life, I went to a service with him….I went in, and never came out. I was amazed by the Love of Jesus.

I could not stop crying: during the singing, the sermons or the prayers….I was in no doubt that I was a sinner, but I had no idea I was loved in that way. God amazed me. He is so pure…how could he love someone as “ dirty”, in thoughts and bad in his actions…I received his forgiveness and his salvation in jesus Christ.

One evening in January 2001, I put my life in his hands and said “ I don’t want my will anymore, but I choose yours. My will only brought me to a window ledge…”. I was baptised on the 1^st of April of that same year, baptised in the Holy spirit on the 17^th

^{of July during the summer CIJEM. I also felt the call of God for service during the first church services.}

I recall telling my parents “ my life does not belong to me anymore. I don’t know what God wants to do with it, but I know my life is His now…He will do what he wants with it…”

In April, I met the woman who was to become my wife.One of the numerous answers to my prayers. This one was “Lord, grant me a nice little wife, one who you will like and approve of”. And he answered my prayer. I am today the father of 2 wonderful little girls.

Apart from these recollections, there are many more experiences I could tell as God blesses us and supports us every day, but one of the biggest graces God gave me is the power to serve Him full time. God allowed me to follow Him!!

During a few meetings, I had heard some of the pastors say that God used people established in life. At that time, I was just finishing a youth working contract.  In my heart, I felt the burning desire to serve God, but I did not have the stability required in my life … So I prayed to God… “ Help me get the stability and I will serve you”.

This happened the very next year, in 2002, when I passed an exam to become a civil servant…I don’t think you could get more stable than that!!

The year after I got my promotion in Marseille university, I asked to go part time, and finally entered the service of God full time in September 2007.His stability does not meet with the same criteria as the stability of the outside world, but it is by far the best.

May God bless you.

Nicolas